You came to mend my broken heart?

This post is about love.

Like everyday I slept with her thoughts over-riding every other thought in my mind. People called me 'absent minded' after she came (into my life). Those beautiful emotions were growing stronger every day, every moment of talking to her. I was slowly going to retire. I knew, the very next morning I wake up, I would start with her. The very same night it will end with her. And all through the day.... of course it will be her..
My mind passes to delta (which means, I fall asleep). I don't remember my last thought very well. She was with me the whole day (in my mind), she was making me lose myself. And now she again comes in delta, in a dream. I find myself in a new place, a really crowded place.
I walk into a hall, with three of my great friends. She was there on the dais, with beautiful attire. Yes, it was a big day, her wedding day. I keep looking at her for a few minutes, thinking about all my past interactions with her, and how insanely great she was looking. And by then, I'd definitely figured out, that I wasn't the groom. I was a guest. The other guys was checking out hot females and the food. She saw me and waved at me. I didn't go nearer, rather came back. The next moment I was outside, with my cell phone, and called her. I had also figured out by now, that I was meeting her after quite a long time.
I have a bad habit, of often not saying 'Hello' and using synonyms for greetings, on phone. She never forgets it and says 'Hello' first, in every situation. That day too, she started with 'Hello'. "Kahan chale gaye?", she started. She was as normal as the first day she talked to me. I wasn't normal, because I was the one who was going to lose her.
"Dear, its hurting a lot. I don't know why." I said. She stayed silent for atleast a few seconds, as she used to, in gtalk. When I would say "r u there?", she would wake up. "I am really in pain. Its hurting like hell." The happiness in her voice had faded, and she said "I told you, it will hurt. But you were the one happily playing with danger." She was getting close to crying. Of course it was a big deal called "love". Like always I made myself strong again, and said "Ok. Ok. Don't get sad. Its your wedding day. Don't spoil the best day of your life. I will manage my stuff. Congrats." And hung up.
Manage? What the hell? I was talking as if I would go and speak to Cupid about it, yelling "Fix it!!". Then comes the toughest part. Guys reading this post would start laughing at me now. But its true, all stories don't end well. I burst out crying right there forgetting where I was. I had lost my life. A new life would start from now, without her. The next moment I found hands of consolation patting my shoulder. The don't-worry-Everything-will-get-fine stuff went on for few minutes. The three guys with me Ashu, Inkit and Avinash were looking the same that very instant. All had the same dull faces. They were at their best, in consoling. I said, I had lost my life. Then how the hell was I still alive?
And if you laughed at me, you need to think, wont it hurt if you lose your life? Don't you cry when you're about to die? Don't you wish to go back into the past, and fix things up? I wasn't searching the streets for love. I found it on the way. In the end, I lost something which was never mine. I lost a beautiful thing. Its a different story, that I don't deserve her. There always are better people, but does that ever have to say, I can't fall in love?
Now don't expect it to be a Bollywood movie, that I'll say "End main sab kuchh thik ho jata hai." Some stories have dead ends...
And after all, it was just a f***ing dream! :)

Confessions of the sub-conscious mind.

Everyone wants to straighten his/her messed up life. And one will say a big "Thank you" to any person, who shows you the way, to actually make things straight.
I Googled "The subconscious mind" today and I joined a mailing list which posts updates about "Power of the Sub-Conscious Mind". I got two audio books, one ebook and two posts within 3 hrours of joining.
The first post was about the three minds which every person has. We have not one, but three minds. The conscious mind, The subconscious mind and the super-conscious mind. The first two minds are within ourself, but the super-conscious mind is some sort of an universal entity, and is the one which is supposedly responsible for intuition and creativity. Where the super-conscious mind really is, hasn't yet been validated by scientific research. They say, we are all connected to each other via the super-conscious mind. We all have access to it, so its considered a part of our mind.

The conscious mind is the mind that thinks. We use it to solve problems and take decisions. The sub-conscious mind is one which can not be directly controlled by us. Some phenomena can be best explained with real world analogies. Consider a captain with his crew. The crew obey any orders of the captain. But if a captain doesn't give any orders, the crew would just do things that they think is right, which may not be always 'right'. Same is the case with our minds. The conscious mind is the captain and the sub-conscious mind is the crew. May be in this case, the crew (sub-conscious mind) is not as smart, that they follow orders instantly. This crew is a bit dumb!
It needs to be trained, like a parrot for every small task that it will do automatically. The work of the sub-conscious mind is automation. It is our assistant, who does small and repetitive tasks automatically.
When we first ride a motor cycle, we are taught how to handle the clutch, gears and throttle. We used to pay lot of attention to shifting gears, in the beginning. When we get habituated, we never even think of those controls; it seems as if our arms and legs automatically do, what we want the vehicle to do. Here the sub-conscious mind comes to play. It makes us adjust the controls automatically, when we actually think something else! There are several other examples of automatic processes, that we do everyday, which are controlled by the sub-conscious mind. I would like to share an excerpt from a webpage on inner beliefs:

"What it means here is your reality or the life you are experiencing now is actually a reflection of the beliefs in your subconscious mind. Many people change from one job to another, but realize that they are still getting the same problem everywhere they go. What they don't understand is that instead of changing the external circumstances, they should change their inner beliefs. Once their beliefs change, they will be attracted to new people, new jobs and the world around them will change according to the new beliefs in their subconscious mind."


The subconscious mind needs to be programmed, in order to work. Thinking positive makes your subconscious mind, take it granted, that everything is definitely fine. You fool it to believe that all is well! Negative thoughts not only fade positive imprints that already exist, but make a permanent place in you subconscious mind, which will cost you, your happiness. The theory of the subconscious mind is about how to unleash the power of the subconscious mind, by reprogramming it to remove all evil thoughts that already exist. This post said just this much.
I will share more about the next post. :)